When I was a kid, my aunt used to make gingerbread houses and invite us over to decorate them. She was a pro – she had all the cool icing bags and tips, she could make icicles, she could do anything. We made really cool houses every year and loaded up on a ton of candy in the process.
In an attempt to recapture my youth, I bought a gingerbread house kit. If you want to make a house as cool as mine, here’s how:
1. Cut the tip of the icing bag WAY too big so that any fancy decorating is completely impossible.
2. Try to cover up the bad icing job with tons of candy. Like so:
3. Do not follow any colour scheme or motif. Motifs are for losers. Chaos works better:
4. Make sure that the icing that comes with your kit does not set. Despite following all instructions to the letter, what you really want is for your roof to fall off after you’ve tossed a pound of candy on it to cover your bad decorating job:
5. Use boxes to hold the roof in place so that it doesn’t cave in anymore. Pose like a dumb-ass next to your decorating abomination:
I think it looks great!
By: Nell on December 28, 2007
at 10:19 am
I aspire to be like you.
By: jenefur on December 28, 2007
at 4:16 pm
I know. You all envy my mad gingerbread-house-making decorating skillz.
By: Mrs. Mustard on December 28, 2007
at 5:22 pm
It’s not sooo bad!
I haven’t made one in years so I can’t complain! I remember one year my mom made a bunch of gingerbread loaves and cut the tops at angles and we used them as our houses – sticking graham crackers on for roofs. It worked really well, but then again it wasn’t me making them! 
By: Krista on December 28, 2007
at 7:37 pm
Motifs ARE for losers.
Any attention is good attention.
By: Talia on December 28, 2007
at 7:57 pm
Ha! I can one-up you with last year’s gingerbread creation. It was going to be a castle, I baked a fancy round tower piece around cans, a cute little drawbridge piece with holes to attach, and walls complete with crennelations. It was original! It was special! Then I got sick and tossed the whole project into the freezer where it still languishes. How long does gingerbread keep anyway?
By: Bev on December 28, 2007
at 8:12 pm
That is awesome! What a gingerbread gagortion. I’ve got you beat, though. Mine is uglier because it has been stripped of all of its candy. Nice.
By: andi on December 28, 2007
at 11:43 pm
Do they sell homeowner’s insurance for gingerbread houses? Of course they do, they sell insurance for everything.
By: Allison on December 29, 2007
at 10:46 am
Oh man, THAT is funny!!!!
By: Suburban Oblivion on December 30, 2007
at 11:18 am
I was cracking up while reading your post and when I got to you picture that was the best. I never had any luck with gingerbread houses either.
By: Cara on December 30, 2007
at 3:38 pm
Thanks for the tips! We’re doing our gingerbread house today (no time before Christmas – oops)
I’m glad to learn that chaos works best because with two little ones I’m sure it’s going to be plenty chaotic.
By: jackie on December 31, 2007
at 1:44 pm
fantastic! it’s way better than mine! okay…i didn’t make one. but if i did, it would not rawk like yours!
and now, with your easy-to-follow instructions, i can make one of my own next year!
By: cate on January 1, 2008
at 2:24 am
that is too funny. I have never attempted a gingerbread house. I’m going to bookmark this page so I can come back and follow your directions next year.
Thanks for the laugh.
Jackie Lee
By: Jackie Lee on January 2, 2008
at 11:17 am
Hey, it looks way better than mine.
This is what mine looks like:
(non-existent)
See! WAY better than mine.
By: Heather on January 2, 2008
at 3:12 pm